Why you shouldn't let your little sister read Twilight

Full-disclosure; I've read the Twilight Saga. Yeah, back-to-back, I nailed out all of the books. I'm a grown male man and I can tell you all about the Cullens. And... God help me, I enjoyed them all.

They are pulpy trash, plain and simple. The Twilight Saga borders on hilarious in multiple points, from Bella's constant depression to Edward's tall, dark and handsome nature being his defining and only personality traits. Stephanie Meyer isn't a good writer by any means - she's a trashy hack that is rewriting her poor high school experience. Meyer IS Bella Swan, no bones about it. Or at least Meyer wishes she was.

The books are pop-culture gold mines, for better and worse. Sadly, I think some of the worse and more subtle messages Meyer is teaching her fans is far more dangerous than any blood-sucker.

Take Bella's apathetic attitude towards everything, for example. She shuns her family at multiple points in the saga and essentially refuses to make strong bonds with the kids at school - in her thoughts, she views them as a constant annoyance but makes nice with them anyways. After moving to Forks and being the new girl, Bella keeps this attitude up for the majority of the books.

Here comes Edward. The guy every girl wanted but couldn't have. Even Bella acknowledges that he's "that" guy - but he wants HER. Insert Stephanie Meyer orgasmic moan here.

Once faced with this, Bella is more than willing to drop everything to be with this excruciatingly boring bad boy. She lies to her father, she lies to her "friends". She's an unlikeable, whiney brat.

Once Edward leaves her in the second book, she engages in reckless, near-suicidal behavior to get that adrenaline rush of being with him.

And SPOILER ALERT ahead - the last book sends the most egregious message of all to kids. Teenage pregnancy is okay as long as you're in love.

When faced with the dilemma of dying a human due to the vampire baby inside of her (not kidding) or turning vamp herself, she goes full-on vampire. Edward bites her and changes her. She changes EVERYTHING about herself for a dangerous man-child.

I cannot understand what Meyer was thinking when, after Bella turns into a vampire, she admires herself in the mirror and is astounded at how different she looks. Not just different, but BEAUTIFUL. Sexy. Strong. This isn't the Bella Swan she knew before. By letting Edward transform who she is, she's superficially the girl she's always wanted to be.

And what does that teach the young adult audience of Twilight?

1. Don't adapt or mature. If you're a brat, continue to be a brat. It'll pay off.

2. Reckless behavior is normal when going through a break-up.

3. Teen pregnancy is okay.

4. Don't be yourself - you are awful. What you need to be is beautiful and sexy. And you can do that if you change for a guy.

Sure, it's pulp. It's trash. And it's subtlety dangerous for the young adult audience. But I'll be damned if it isn't entertaining in that train-wreck kind of' way.

Super Gr8 - or just Super Good

Take a dash of E.T., throw in some Cloverfield, and sprinkle in some old-school sensibilities and you have yourself Super 8.

This isn't for everyone. Critics are already praising it as the first major hit of the summer, using buzzwords like "magical" and "intense", aiming to desperately get themselves a pull quote. It's really is good fun, but you can't help but feel a bit of familiarity as Abrams seems to be trying to recapture the lightning-in-a-bottle appeal and mystery that Cloverfield had.

Just like Clovefield, we catch enough glimpses of the monster throughout the film to grab our attention. Just like Cloverfield, the action is kept fairly tight and close. Just like Cloverfield, the motivating plot device is saving the girl at the end of the day. It's enough to get a been there, done that vibe. Even when the thing gets its close up, you can't help but imagine the familiar mug of Cloverfield himself, staring down the camera.

Thankfully, there are some real talented kids to help carry this along. Most of them are unknowns and actual kids - no Ashton Kutcher playing a teenager here. These kids are dorks with kid problems. My best friend likes the girl I like. Dad doesn't "get" me. It's like the group of kids you knew growing up.

The adults don't have much to do other than look menacing. Kyle Chandler of Friday Night Lights fame proves he's an underrated talent and he makes the deputy believable as hell as he tries to desperately hold on and save his town from chaos.

I also got the impression that the movie wasn't too sure what it wanted to be. There's a few jumps, but it's not that scary to make it be about the monster. And just when we get into the lives and heartaches of these kids, we cut to the military and their shenanigans. Add some really great scenes of destruction and chaos, and the message and theme of the movie drowns out a bit amongst the noise.

It's good, sure. It's got a very retro-feel to it, which is a double-edged sword. The deliberate slow pace, the charming pack of kids, and the government-is-evil military makes you nostalgic for E.T. while the big explosions and nice CGI makes you eager for the summer movie season. It's not the new E.T. or Cloverfield, but it goes down smooth and is a moderately enjoyable ride.

 See it if...
-E.T. is your favorite movie.
-You believe The Truth Is Out There.
-There's a bit of a conspiracy theorist in you.
-You yearn for the days of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Avoid if...
-You hated Cloverfield's abrupt ending.
-You're expecting a full-blown monster movie.

Act 1; A Hero Emerges!

I'm a big dork.

No, really. I play video games. I love b-movies. I'm a television sci-fi geek.

I'm also stuck in a rut in a dead end job after graduating college with a journalism degree. I know what you're thinking - not only are you a dork, but a journalism dork too?! Probably a pretentious uppity jerk. A liberal nut. And you're probably writing this in a Starbucks, too! (Which I am... shhh...)

One of the basics of journalism that I fully believe in is full-disclosure. And what better way of starting this blog off than to introduce myself and who I am, and detail just exactly why I'm doing this.

First off, my name ISN'T Frank Crowe. I love that pseudonym though.

Secondly, I squandered my chances in college to work on a writing portfolio. I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I didn't take it seriously and I am paying for it by waiting tables for a living. I've been told by my professors and mentors that I have great writing talent, though... I don't know if it was due to laziness or sheer apathy that I didn't apply myself. I now know that not doing so was a mistake, and here's my chance to rectify it.

I love film. I love the allure of Hollywood - not the Lindsay Lohan, celebrity sex-tape version but the pure, old school appeal of it. The glitz and glamor of the older days, free of the scandal and dirt. Films are instrumental in shaping culture, teaching people, pushing boundaries and challenging our way of thinking. You'd be hard pressed to find a tool that has such mass-appeal as film does. Everybody loves the movies. Including me.

I'd love to review movies professionally for a living. I know I don't fit the bill though - typically, I'd have to be a pretentious movie snob that hates anything that isn't Oscar-bait. This isn't me. I can enjoy a no-frills popcorn flick as long as it's well made just as much as I can enjoy "Terrence Malick Presents Moody and Introspective Poorly-Paced Oscar Bait - The Sequel."

I've noticed that the majority of these mainstream reviewers and bloggers suffer from the need to make their film-school credentials be apparent in every review. Their reviews suffer from an obvious need to prove how smart they are and how many books they have read and written on film. Mr. Ebert, I'm looking at you - drop the phrase "Meet Cute" into one more review and I'll barf.

The average reader is the victim here. Instead of knowing whether or not a film is good and in their preference-range, they are given paragraphs upon paragraphs of heady cinema-speak that is likely to soar over their heads.

This is what I want to fix. I want to be the friend of yours who you go to for movie recommendations. I want to simplify the process. I'm going to be that guy that will talk to you about films and break it down, free of the narcissistic nature of the Hollywood machine. And if I can get stuff in my portfolio to show employers, hey, that's a plus.

While film will be primarily the main focus here, I'll also take aim at Hollywood and the entertainment industry as a whole. During the next few months, I want you to be able to crawl into my mushy brain and feel like you live there; I want you to feel the passion I do about all things entertainment and pop culture. I want you to know that I'm just like you. I'm the guy sitting next to you at Starbucks with dreams of hitting it big!

Coming this weekend is Super 8, from JJ Abrams and Spielberg. It's a movie I've been eager to see, and it's going to be the start of something special for this dork and this blog.