Why you shouldn't let your little sister read Twilight

Full-disclosure; I've read the Twilight Saga. Yeah, back-to-back, I nailed out all of the books. I'm a grown male man and I can tell you all about the Cullens. And... God help me, I enjoyed them all.

They are pulpy trash, plain and simple. The Twilight Saga borders on hilarious in multiple points, from Bella's constant depression to Edward's tall, dark and handsome nature being his defining and only personality traits. Stephanie Meyer isn't a good writer by any means - she's a trashy hack that is rewriting her poor high school experience. Meyer IS Bella Swan, no bones about it. Or at least Meyer wishes she was.

The books are pop-culture gold mines, for better and worse. Sadly, I think some of the worse and more subtle messages Meyer is teaching her fans is far more dangerous than any blood-sucker.

Take Bella's apathetic attitude towards everything, for example. She shuns her family at multiple points in the saga and essentially refuses to make strong bonds with the kids at school - in her thoughts, she views them as a constant annoyance but makes nice with them anyways. After moving to Forks and being the new girl, Bella keeps this attitude up for the majority of the books.

Here comes Edward. The guy every girl wanted but couldn't have. Even Bella acknowledges that he's "that" guy - but he wants HER. Insert Stephanie Meyer orgasmic moan here.

Once faced with this, Bella is more than willing to drop everything to be with this excruciatingly boring bad boy. She lies to her father, she lies to her "friends". She's an unlikeable, whiney brat.

Once Edward leaves her in the second book, she engages in reckless, near-suicidal behavior to get that adrenaline rush of being with him.

And SPOILER ALERT ahead - the last book sends the most egregious message of all to kids. Teenage pregnancy is okay as long as you're in love.

When faced with the dilemma of dying a human due to the vampire baby inside of her (not kidding) or turning vamp herself, she goes full-on vampire. Edward bites her and changes her. She changes EVERYTHING about herself for a dangerous man-child.

I cannot understand what Meyer was thinking when, after Bella turns into a vampire, she admires herself in the mirror and is astounded at how different she looks. Not just different, but BEAUTIFUL. Sexy. Strong. This isn't the Bella Swan she knew before. By letting Edward transform who she is, she's superficially the girl she's always wanted to be.

And what does that teach the young adult audience of Twilight?

1. Don't adapt or mature. If you're a brat, continue to be a brat. It'll pay off.

2. Reckless behavior is normal when going through a break-up.

3. Teen pregnancy is okay.

4. Don't be yourself - you are awful. What you need to be is beautiful and sexy. And you can do that if you change for a guy.

Sure, it's pulp. It's trash. And it's subtlety dangerous for the young adult audience. But I'll be damned if it isn't entertaining in that train-wreck kind of' way.